Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Sometimes it is hard to know how to balance things. I think of these French classes I’m taking. Really, while I enjoy French, I’d much rather get a job teaching Math or Science, but that is not needed right now. So, I’m paying money to take French in order to make myself more marketable to get a teaching job to make more money. Make sense?

I see it as being prepared.

We also pay money to put our kids in gymnastics & swimming lessons. Do I think they will become mega-athletes & join the Olympic ranks? Not really, but swimming is a necessary life skill. I was thrown from a boat about 12 years ago and even lost consciousness for a moment – had I not been a strong swimmer, my hubby would have been widowed before our first anniversary. Considering the currents in that river system, a non-swimmer would have gone down, but after years of lessons – I was prepared. (note to any boaters out there – a life jacket would have been useful and, of course, I wasn’t wearing one – I always do now!!)

As I consider what to do regarding the information I’ve been learning about the state of affairs in Africa, I definitely feel underequipped. I really don’t understand the ins & outs of the conflict. And I REALLY don’t understand how people can act the way they do towards each other. So, how do I prepare to respond??

Starting a blog of thoughts was easy (well, actually, it wasn’t since I’m not too savvy in this dept – a good friend walked me through the beginning steps). But that is one way to get the word out. From here on? I’m still preparing – although I don’t fully know what for.

I read a blog this morning by a long time friend – I believe we’re close to hitting 25 years! She, to me, always seems prepared. As a musician, she practices way more hours than I ever had patience for and as a believer, she gives focus to her faith. I admire that.

Her post today was reflective and it made me think more on centering my own focus. I have been praying long & hard about what to do with this information I’ve been discovering. Mostly, it just reminds me of how little I do know. Then the voices (the conscience type, not the slightly loopy type) start reminding me of how insignificant I really am and WHY do I think I can make a difference??

But I need to remind myself of the bigger picture –my focus, my centering. By reflecting in, I want to suck up the courage to focus out. Bit by bit.

So, I will continue to learn. To prepare myself for I’m not sure what. I’ve been tossing some ideas, but apart from bouncing them off a few close friends, I’ve not said much. My fear is putting myself out there and being accused of trying to be the expert, which I’m not. No matter how much I do prepare, someone will always know more, but I need to remember that this is not about me. This is about speaking up for those who have no voice in this whole big mess. I’m just going to push forward and keep on trying to figure it out.

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